SIMPLE WORDS THAT CAN MAKE A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE: THANK YOU, EXCUSE ME, PLEASE MAY I
There is a lot to spoken words, especially when deeply expressed. Positivism in our relationships often compels the use of proactive, soothing, pacifying expressions and words. Living in a company people who may or may not be related to us implies that we relate with them in diverse of ways.
These contacts may be at home, in offices, churches and other public places. These people coming from varied social backgrounds need to be communicated with for us to achieve some milestones in our endeavours. Other times, they may need us as their benefactors, either way we become stepping stones or lever forming synergy for life survivals.
I would represent words in this context to mean brief comments, statements, talk or exchange used in relationships to achieve a purpose. Words like; thank you, excuse me, please may I, etc are very simple but inspirational statements. When expressed earnestly, they are received with gratitude, respectfully and sometimes reciprocated with similar gestures. The efficacy of these words may be expressed in the words of Gregory Ciotti, “All words are equal but some are more equal than others”. These words hold sway almost all the time.
In our world today such words are sparingly overtly and sincerely used. Knowing how comforting, soothing and powerful these comments are, it is admonished that we revive the culture of their usage in our relationships. A call for re-orientation is thus apt at this point to sensitize and educate our children in the primary and secondary schools on the need for frequent use of these words.
What is Re-orientation?
Orientation is the process of being accustomed to new situations. Re-orientation can literally denote a renewal of orientation, meaning, a reminder of what is expected of one as a member of society. Some areas of our life that need re-orientation include respect for elders, environmental sanitation, attitude to work and economic life, religious practices, dressing, protection of public infrastructure, child upbringing including formal and informal education and proper use of words as used in this context.
“Thank you”
Thank you is often used to show gratitude in return for some good done to another. It’s a showing of appreciation, thankfulness and gratefulness. If this is so positive, why is it not often used as desired? An attempt could be made at this point; some people think that some good deeds are “rights” and therefore should not be appreciated with a thank you, yet others, especially older people do not think it expedient to appreciate younger people with a thank you for whatever reason.
It is more worrisome that others probably were not fully brought up; so they do not think that some people should be appreciated for doing what they ought to do. Examples of such cases are; a driver washing his master’s car, a child being fed by her mother, a clerk running office errands, school fees paid by parents and guardians etc. Genuine appreciation usually comes from the heart and the “body language” that conveys its exhibition authenticates how sincere it is.This therefore indicates that some appreciations are pretentious; this is a negation of the ideal.For expedient communal living, appreciation is advocated through simply saying thank you after receiving a favour or good deeds.
As simple as “Excuse me”
For some people this expression is not as simple as we may have presented it. Ideally however, it paves way to very difficult situations and gets one to unexpected positions and pieces of information. It is an etiquette/ politeness that uncover ways to some impossible circumstances.
Excuse me can be used when one needs the attention of another for example: excuse me, may I speak with you; excuse me , could I have another glass of drink; excuse me, please what is your name etc. The courteousness of this statement most times receives an equal politeness. Children that exhibit these can only come from well-trained backgrounds. People who often use these words are also notably patient, it takes patience to wait for the attention of another.
“Please may I”
Please may I, is a courteous phrase often used in communication. It is often used when asking or requesting for something, for example please may I have your attention, please may I be excused, and please may I have some water etc. What rather is commonly heard is give me, let me have this or that.
At this point one would observe that the tones of these two expressions are different – please may I is alluring and give me is harsh/ unappealing. "Please may I" is very rare expression amongst our people especially the teenagers and youths and the time has come for organized re-orientationsessions in schools , homes, youth programmes and religious gatherings where these groups of people should be taught good manners and ethics. Except this is done and complemented in the informal settings of the family, an unruly generation would besiege our communities.
Why the Present Dearth of Courtesy in our Society and the Way Forward
Several factors can be identified as responsible for the poor etiquette especially in the area of civility.
• Poor parental upbringing: Parents are too busy to properly train their children in the right etiquette for daily living. The home is the first socialization environment of a child,here parents and adults are expected to guide and guard the younger ones on proper moral standards. Children from God fearing homes with loving and caring parents are more likely to imbibe good etiquette than those who live in homes with tension and strife.
In the latter, home aggression and mistreatment jeopardize the upbringing of children. Showering parental love on the other hand does not mean pandering to all the demands of the child, reasonable or otherwise. Too much pampering would in fact, spoil the child. The parents in bestowing love and care on the children should also be strict and firm, but not harsh. Parents should show love with a disciplined disposition while simultaneously imbibing positive morals in them. The practice of these simple words in the family by the parents would instill respect and courtesy in the children.
• Negative Peer influence: there is a high tendency for peers to influence themselves through “gang culture”. For inclusiveness in a group, teenagers are compelled to behave alike with their peers, anything contrary from the ideal group behaviour results to exclusion. Not to be “odd man out” children are forced to conform. Children with strong family standards are less likely to fall prey of negative peer pressure, keeping away from negative influences and reading of good books are suggested for promoting good moral standards in children.
• Nonchalance/indifference: The negative attitude of nonchalance has gradually crept into the lifestyle of some individuals that things which ought to be treated with respect and honour are discountenanced with indifference. For instance, the indifference in attitude and insensitivity of people to others in terms of respect has led to the rare use of thank you, excuse me, and please may I. Obvious cases can be related to children and some adults from wealthy homes who do not appreciate their household helps/ servants; some children also do not have regards for elders and peers.
• Environmental influence /neighbourhood: Apart from the family the next immediate environment that influences a child is the home neighbourhood. Children who grow up in unorganized vicinities with delinquents are not likely to neither imbibe these words nor use them.Care therefore must be made to study the environment before a child is allowed to play or make friends in the neighbourhood. This caution must also be made in the type of school a child is registered in.
• Wrong role models: children are quick to learn through imitation especially of older people and family members. Where the immediate models around do not use these words, it becomes impossible for younger people to learn, appreciate and use them. Adults who know better should practice the use of these words- thank you, excuse me, and please may I so that children can copy them for posterity.
• Pride/Arrogance:These are vices that are haughty and affect relationships and progress, pride they say goes before a fall. When an individual is egoistic and thinks more of himself than is desired because of privileges and circumstances around them, he feels bigger or better than others, thus lacking the humility to use these ethical expressions.
There is a clarion call to impact on our environment positively, to live and relate with people around us with decorum.
Conclusion
Soothing words are quite comforting and paves way for opportunities. A well groomed person who has imbibed the right etiquette is a pride to himself, his family and his community.
Children as a matter of urgency must therefore be re-oriented to deliberately learn and use these words and to do the right things at home, in school and indeed everywhere. Adults are also admonished to be desirable role models for emulation, for the children we ignore to groom today will take their revenge on us tomorrow.
Mitchelle Chinwude Onugbolu
SSA Social Re-Orientation
